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Inglorious Bestards

A film made entirely in Quintein Tarantino’s head, IB would have been much better off as a published screenplay. A Jewish-Nazi revenge comic reminiscent of Alistar Mc lean adventures,  the film ends up looking more like one of James hadley chase’s work(JHC was a British colonel with Indian army experience,who wrote novels aout the US without ever quite being there, on the basis of research. His books were great but if you were in the US, they sort of felt flat, with good reason) . This is Tarantino mainstraming himself. His erudite films usually cater to a cult audience that is into Asian ..violent or cool Independent films.

IB alas is none of the three. the goriest it gets is when someone has a swastika carved on his head. this film is QT’s homage to Warner brothers action films. death is accompanied by gunfire, not gore. Contextualized within a war, death is not shocking, painful or morally ambiguous. Death is business, like the slaughter of chicken in a poultry farm. The icons peel off the real like minimized amoral cobra skin. The study in contrast is between this film and Del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth (to which he pays sub-concious tribute with the scene in the forest where the Besterds kill the Nazis. ) The villains in that film weren’t merely doing a job. They were evil.

Chater I : The Script

So is Tarantino, then writing in a deconstruction of the world war to minimize Nazis? That isn’t ALL the script does. It also offers cinematic absolution to all the guilty by inaction crimes in world history. The Jews have a southern accent, as if the south was not anti Semetic enough to let Jewish people integrate . Southern Accents ( noticeably baptist) could be accents of southern  black people as easily as they could be white southerners, even as the Germans speaking English might easily have Pennsylvania dutch accents.

So are the besterds really an integrated confederate force that might have won the civil war for the south(after all, wasn’t the union army equally segregated and racist, the director seems to ask)?

The denouement in a theater of Hitler being shot is also appropriately lincolnesque. I don’t see this as Tarantino advocating the dominance of the slave owning south as much as his offering absolution from unrequited ambitions of the civil war.

There is also an accusatory finger pointed at french cinema. While Melanie Laurent’s essay as the theater owner who destroys Hitler in a suicide bombing of the theater is well constructed,   this is an angry Tarantino. He aims his “Uncle Sam Wants You” finger directly at the chest of the whole murky era of french collaboration with the Nazis and then at the guallist nationalism that replaced it by getting his “never neverland” heroine not only to be a “secretly jewish” french person, but also to be a theater owner with a deep friendship with an African employee (as if , to use Bazin’s description of Godard’s breathless, “anything goes” ) .

The questions from the past are fairly cut and dried. Both Hitler’s Nazis and Stalin’s communists have been dead and forgotten for about fifty years (I forgot them when at first, we partitioned off India, and then got Pakistan to divide, and they put in brutally repressive dictators first in Vietnam , then in cambodia and finally then in Indonesia. each of these Holocaust were bigger than hitler’s concentration camps. The more relevant question is : is Tarantino , then offering absolution for what the Iraqis didn’t do?    Get groups of committed nationalists to take revenge on the Occupying US armies. And is he then also offering absolution or for every occupied people’s passivity in face of  naked domination and humiliation? (Palestinian  Suicide bombers?) This is not moral relativism. it is escapist cinema at its most self actualized.

Chapter II the politics:

The french left bank had this debate in the 1970’s. cinema, it concluded was a burgoise art. true propaganda is from action. (The French leftist Intellectuals , after having concluded this, then proceeded to be the burgoise and sat on their butts. Te last time an Intellectual actually did work for a cause actively was during the Spanish civil war) .

If IB is bourgeois propaganda, serving the purpose of informing the capitalist of the true aspirations of the proletariat(to Paraphrase aMarxist propaganda of the day) so that they may be suppressed more thoroughly, then the  movie FAILS at this. this is Tarantino’s true victory as a director. Somewhere between the writing of the script and the execution of the film , it becomes like a Sikh shrine of book worship. Having constructed his altar, Tarantino proceeds to worship at it, in a way that to the Identifying audience of would be revenge takers, the film comes off like a mall magician mummified in smoke and mirrors.

While I would love to credit Tarantino with having thought all this out when he shot IB, I think this is more like guerrilla film making(snicker snort) by Hollywood. Tarantino’s business location shows through in the film’s values and aspirations. As if the declaration of Independence were written from a paris  mistresses boudoir on scented pink parchment(some say it was) .

Chapter III:  History

So how will history judge IB? as Tarantino’s pink period film? as the film that finally disassembled him? as a forgettable movie made by a geek who ran out of Ideas? I somehow don’t think so. I think IB will sink without a trace. and the reason I think that is not from Tarantino’s vices or virtues as a film maker, its because the Hollywood auteur , like God, is truly dead. In the marketplace for digital entertainment, Hollywood is simultaneously globalizing its output and competing with recipes cooked up internationally for audiences who neither care for Cannes fare , nor can be made to say Uncle by film theory because the true competition is really from the internet and from home videos and crowd source reality of Neda’s death in Iran ..or of Hamsters on a piano.

The wild west is here  , Mr Tarantino not in france

(Addendum: people ask me where the ta tana tada comes from. its the drunk rendition of the james bond theme (here). you just paraphrase the 0:19 phrase by one note, from tadap tadan  dada dan, you say tat ta dan da da dan… To ahieve the eight you say tat ta dan da dada da dan)

In the beginning there was the rain. In the dodgy digital color correction it made everything look fuzzy dark and undifferentiated grey. And then Vishal, taking a leaf from Bertaluchhi’s book , decided to  shoot talking heads. That was between when he shot like Ozu and when he shot like Trantino. In spaces in the middle, cow eaten movie posters peeled off the genre  wall, and revealed , in fervid regretful acid dreams, Tarkovski, Noir,Salvador dali and Robert Bresson.

Indeed Kaminay looks like the Mona Lisa  painted in an acid trip…on a wall …in a toilet…with pee…oh this review is so much fun!

The most charitable thing one can say about the film is that its script is faithful to both indian pulp and film noir traditions, but that like the cinematography, gets washed out in the indifferent color correction.

Perhaps the problem was too much expectation on the film.. but then maqbool was a certified classic. I guess the same thing happenned to ram gopal varma after satya. Maybe im just a sucker for a good tune.. ta tana tada….

Vishaal vishaal  if you wanted to be an asian film you had to open with the ventures-esque tune and worked it and worked it..from a single ragtime trumpet to a full developed orchestral theme and brained your audience with it. If you wanted to be an Indian art noir(a Govind Nihalani film or  an early vidhu vinod chopra movie- sazaaye maut or parinda) you cut out the heavy metal and tighten up the camera work . hire …oh I don’t know!, ravi K chandran to give you some good montage and build your film on this.You want a novelle vague noir? work on the jazz and get a sexy femme without a moral compass  handle a gun. you film just flakes like a kutthu parotta into narrative tangents that begs the question “are you serious?” and “can I have what he’s smoking”

An art masala film is like Hollywood’s holy grail of a “classy fuck movie’ it often degenerates into good intentions and poor follow through.

I might have loved kaminay if the film had started with the climax as it now stands and he had upped the ante from there..i did actually like the love story..vishal is pretty good at showing us romantically forward women.(maqbool, omkara) this is a whole bunch of wasted charecter development. I like queinten tarantino’s or rob zombie’s philosophy , in this regard- if you gotta, kill them early and often. Kaminay tries to make a gangster film a chic flick, without Amitabh bacchan’s pelvic thrusts. Trust me Mr bharadwaj, you cant hold a chick’s attention without some crotch shots in your film.

But look at the bright side, your acid trip in guise of a film shown how Dev D is such a poser druggie film. That should count for something!

Capsule reviews

Harry potter and the Half blood prince: When you’re British, white and you own a musty old castle full of skeletons in the closet, Gay cousin Valdermot does need some explaining away, specially if you think youre Jesus, John lennon and Prince Harry , all in one…and there’s that complicated business of snogging, too….Arrg its confusing to be the third in line…

Mera mummy kaun che mera daddy kaun che …er…Sankat city : Like a 2 hour hajmola ad written by out of work film editors. Gujju bollywood’s 99 envy.(review below) Two days after watching this terrible film the only thing that sticks in mind is the sankat (distress) .

Jashnn: Mukesh bhatt better have slept with the hero or heroine (or both) to make it worth the waste of all this time amd film/digital stock. Continues a tradition of musical films with extremely pedestrian music.

Short kut the con is on:… (end of review).

This started as a trip on facebook, which has absorbed much of my youtube passion these days.

Quick links: Ganapathi stotram, Mantra pushpam, Om Klim Shreem Lakshmim, Purusha Suktam,Sri Suktam,Rudram I II III ,The Prajnya Paramita Sutra(the Heart sutra),The Lotus Sutra,The Green Tara Mantra,The White Tara Mantra,Gayatri, The Padma Purana vishnu sahasranamam, Vishnu sahasranamam I II III,  Kanda Sashti Kavacham I II . Kamakshi Suprabatham I II

Or if you want to watch more than one bit of chanting, stay on this page below..

Ganapathi stotram

Mantra pushpam

Om Klim Shreem Lakshmim

Purusha Suktam

Sri Suktam

Rudram I

Rudram II

Rudram III

The Prajnya Paramita Sutra(the Heart sutra)

The Lotus Sutra(literally , just “Myōhō Renge Kyō”)

The Green Tara Mantra(om tare tut tare ture swaha)

The White Tara Mantra

Gayatri

The Padma Purana vishnu sahasranamam(just the Dhyana Slokam)

MS Subbulakshmi Chanting the Vishnu sahasranamam(traditional)

Part I

Part II

Part III

Kanda Sashti Kavacham (tamil) sung by Nityashree Mahadevan(the grand daughter of  D K Pattammal )

Part I

Part II

Kamakshi Suprabhatam

Part I

Part II



The following space for the sudarshana yantra.

Long ago, dearly beloved(would begin Rudyard Kipling’s Classic stories from the Jungle tales(of which mwogli gave America the Jungle book)- Stories of an apocryphal india from the jungles of madhya pradeh and the chambal valley, from an India not recognized by the schoolchild in humid Mumbai who sincerely believed that Kipling Imagined the stories from a foreign backyard of Britain far away behind the ships on the horizon past the gateway of India…

From this never never land comes a modern day tale of bad karma. Bad karma is what this story is, it stains everything it touches. Polarizing dirty stains. Shiney Ahuja has a shiner.  The film industry keeps a conspiratorial silence, as if talking about it or speaking on his behalf will collapse the dog seal pile perched precariously near the gateway of india and unravel misma that was contained only from the incestuous silence of the willing.

Shiney Ahuja slept with his virgin servant maid. There its off one’s chest. In my firm and considerd opinion the facts are unclear beyond this.On merely the girl’s testimony, a case for rape has been filed against him, and medical exams do not reveal force. the injuries to the girl’s vagina are consistent with a first timer having sex with a much  bigger man(consentually..if I were to count bloodstains after sex  after every encounter I know, then I have probably raped about three hundred times, but luckily for me my encounters ended happily and I do not live in india, for people to have second thoughts the morning after and accuse anyone of rape.) I m NOT going to play the game of besmirching the servant maid’s character or motive. Suffice it t say that shiney and the girl came from entirely different social strata.

Imagine if you will, a girl of about 20 in saudi arabia who dresses in a burqua and goes to a mall and there, with her friends, REMOVES her burqua and walks around in jeans. Now if this girl “hooked up”with a tourist from America..or a soldier, and found a place to actually have sex, and the first experience was unpleasant even if not non consentual , that never happens, right? …and she’s alone at home after, feeling pain in her vaginal area…so she decides to  ask her sister to find her a doctor because she feels pain….

Imagine the hell that would break loose after that incident.

India is not saudi arabia in many ways, but in others(including its rigid class structures and its concepts of familial honor), it is exactly like Saudi Arabia. What is worse, in matters of sex, it is perhaps worse than saudi arabia because its middle class have internalized the idea (probably because of vague unstated memories from the past of royal harems and victorian morality of Lord Mc Caulay, ) that “honorable’ means no premarital sex…and little non procretional sex. Ossified in its generational codes is a concept of respect that treats the possibility of older people having sex as risible.

Into this heaven of freedom awoke shiney ahuja who claimed sex was consenting, as if this servant maid could consent to sex. Forget for a moment that he was not picking up the cute counter girl at a mc donalds in louisville Kentucky.  He  was asking the maid in his own home(his zone of comfort, not hers) to bed him. Did he think he was obtaining consent because she kissed him back? whose consent, he certainly did not obtain society’s consent to look the other way(it happens ALL THE TIME in india…you just buy everyone off) , nor the consent of the girl’s family, who were hoping perhaps that she should marry and raise kids and become an beautiful mother providing for her children by thirty five… he did not ask the consent of the feminist in this act of free sex(Imagine! a lonely man and a single woman having uncommitted sex ! how anti feminist is that!)  and he didn’t ask the consent of every sanctimonious motherfucker and his sainted mother. those are really dangerous in India. they stone you for the frustrations they have carried all their lives- sexual or otherwise.

The law factor is the other thing to consider. This episode plays out like a telegu film made by a naxalite(they are hilarious films watch Bharat Bandh , for example). a law intended to stop tribal and homeless women from being raped in police stations is being used  against Ahuja. Here the prerequisites are simple. A woman 1.complains that she’s been raped. 2.Shows evidence of sexual intercourse(not forcible sexual intercourse, but the act ALONE 3. if the Accused does not disprove it, (by taking pictures of the contract being sealed, I presume) he is GUILTY. Thus, in India, in a rape accusation, the defendent is GULITY UNLESS HE PROVES OTHERVICE! Imagine applying that to murder.

No wonder there are so many wankers in India! With a combination of this law and the taboo on all things sexual (noo Ramesh it has changed now you know?! now boys and girls are actually going on dates…yeah yeah I know…) India has effectively outlawed sex outside of marriage beause the por guys are too frightened that the girl will have buyers remorse and cry rape. The only “boys” who seem to have out of marriage sex ae the ones that can actually get awy with rape , thus making the case for all interested parties in tis unseemly conspiracy.

So who are the conspirators whose interest not having unmarried non procreational  sex , serves? The conservative family Khandans, for sure, but there are others. This preventing sexual release is really a means of social control. It keeps society stratified and ossified, it lets men be as angry as heroes of sam fuller films and makes women bra burning uteres tearing angry militant feminists. It raises a generation of angry ambitious people who know they want change, not realizing that a big part of that change is sexual liberation. With its under 30 population rapidly increasing to 50% more men than women, India is creating its army out of sexual frustration.

All this from Shiney Ahuja “raping” his servant maid ? you ask… This is a symptom. You only need to look at one miscarried case of justice to diagnose this pox afflicting Indian society.

I don’t really care I live in Ojai in the US

Chick flic meets stoner buddy comedy. Universal Studios theme park meets Pammal K Sambandan(Kamalhaasan).Harry bhai meets sallyben, (Ramesh meets Moitra ;) ).  Nadiedvala grandson meets white women in progressive states of undress. Indian paisa vasool meets Eros international. Ought to be a winning combination, right? So where did it go wrong?

KI has so much going right for it. For one, the raw charm of Akshay kumar , (sincere meets hairy) and then the correctly updated feminist attitudes of Kareena Kapoor (stomach meets backbone) and all that white flesh maan! like you stumbled on to a backyard bbq at a trailer park in John Mc Cain Arizona! So What went wrong?

Early word from the film’s headquarters is that Kambakkth Ishq is minting money hand over fist like any critic proof superbad comedy. (I reserve the right to take this out if the early word turns out to be hype) .So what went wrong?

This is an occasion for us the good reviewer to go and take a time out. All your angreji vangreji  will nahi chalega. we were plain wrong(all us except taran adarsh who was like a bloodhound smelling the moolah) . All our theories of film ,of our second guesses about what those people in the US may like, of our not trusting our guts, and instead choosing the easy way out – of Kareena bashing and trivializing crass mass entertainment as if that is the why our fathers educated us in English – to work the old lady of bori bunder into a credible elitist threat to pop culture of the vernacualr desi – maybe this is what went wrong , along the structural fault lines of Mumbai’s demographics. Maybe ,we deluded ourself into thinking we were fighting Shiv sainiks in Mumbai when we faulted the films they liked.Maybe we are the jehadis. Maybe we simply DIDN’T Identify with the  banarsi taxidriver whom we use every day to get from VT to BCCI. Maybe WE are what went wrong.

Kambakht ishq is a Superbad film , and not even well executed. The only thing it has going for it is its heart. It drip an earnest desire to entertain, and this is contagious (I would compare it ,in this respect to Kung Fu Hustle) . You want to forgive Kareena’s bony boosom, Akshay’s Hairy chest and  kadva expression..the fact that Denise Richards looks like a lap dancer and that Sly Stallone looks like Aahnold’s seventy year old chest(pic)  .

The film still feels like a seventies martial arts comedy- the films of a generation where people made b flics with sheer raw talent (in their case, for Karate) and didn’t let the loose strings show through in their knitting. It’s a good two point two five hours at the moves but would we listen ? Oh noooo… we are working for our reputations, which would be mud ..MUD ! if word got out that we liked Kambakkth Ishq.

The Joke’s on US.

**Disclaimer** This is a FILM REVIEW and is not a DECLARATION OF FAITH or IDEOLOGY or INTENTION. The ideas expressed in this piece are no pointer to how the author would think or behave in the past or future.

New York is the Godfather of terrorism films. It takes a complicated subject and simplifies it into a series of gut check reactions framed in a fast paced thriller.  You end up cheering for the terrorist protagonist in this complex sensitive piece of counter propaganda that took its time coming(has it been eight years after sep 11 already?). The other comparisons you draw are to the HBO miniseries with no end – “The Wire” and the Fredrick Forsyrth written Fred Zinneman directed 1973  film “The Day of the Jackal“.

This is the power of popular cinema. It is entertainment, propaganda and a reinforcement of your core beliefs- in the people you love, in country and in yourself, most importantly in yourself. You cheer for the taxi driver that kills a cop(who did no wrong), even if you know it is wrong to do so. You feel the rage of the protagonist being interrogated using bush Administration tactics and you sympathize , when you discover he’s planning a bombing. Poor Irfan Khan , is the ugly face of law enforcement speaking the unpalatable truth to the audience that is in no mood to listen.

Bollywood gets it right,  this is a movie that could only have been made by an Indian, spoilt as the billion of them  are in the delights of a democratic civil society, the privileges of eastern and western education and steeped in  beliefs about fundamental  human rights and justice in the world .  Liberal (G8) western democracies behave like gated communities  with conspiracies of silence. Their movies reflect this. Much of the Judeo-muslim world is ruled by tyranny. France , mired in it’s own racial identity problems, seems too busy sucking up to Studio Hollywood which itself  behaves like a Chinese  despot cloistered away in it’s own middle heaven of computer animated fantasy .

And  in  midst of all this, the Yash Raj film(and brand Bollywood) seems to ask the global Indian “who’se looking out for you?”.

Forget the fact that the producers are located (at least culturally) in Switzerland out of the sparsely populated Chopra Lake preoccupied with chasing bollywood booty, forget the fact that Bollywood is so busy selling out to Industrial magnates (think BIG) and Hollywood studios. Forget the fact that  John Abraham and Katrina Kaif come from the  dumb model  school of acting. This is entirely a Director’s  film. Kabir Khan (and Sandeep Srivatsava, writer ) bring in their conversant familiarity with the post September 11 2001 plight of Brown skinned Caucasians from asia to make a tenable thriller about an US created terrorist. The illegal detention/ torture depicted in the film could have happened in practically any gated community(liberal western democracy) , it only appears to be an outrageous violation of civil rights in the US(which is idealized as a model to strive for in such half educated tyrannies as iran and china). In most  other countries(the UK, France, Germany, Australia…) this thuggery by the state against immigrants is routine and almost expected.

New york is also a definitive film for the genre called Bollywood, And after much navel gazing , the industry seems to have decided that the studio money is all very fine but , really, they’re not going to toe any ideological line set by Hollywood. Bollywood’s message to the west  has been consistent from its earliest efforts in the mid ninties(pardes) . The American dream is not enough. The white picket fence is stained with blood of innocents (as it always has been) .and we remember in text through New York.

While a debate over the power of cinema to influence society has been had, and done to death on the left bank in france most of the billion Indians don’t know any deatails of this, and it does appear incorriguous to be having it in  in popular film, we are happy that films in the language are not completely insensitive to the preoccupations of their core audiences.

New York is a must watch , not only because Katrina Kaif look like edible milquetoast inlayers and tanks, but also , one suspects, from the facts in it that it will be required reading/ watching in every south asian cinema course on university campuses in the years to come.

99 is a buddy caper film . its losely based on pulp fiction(the gangsters in it are straight out of  the big lebowski). It has a cohen brothers feel to its narrative commentary without the cohen’s smart alecky snark.  Populated with real and laugh out aloud funny charecters ,the film allows for neo realist social commentary(the Bhojpuri film industry) while , at the same time being a giggle a minute brain dead comedy.

Apart from the good directing of the duo(who belie a sophamore slump – this is their second film after the much praised NRI sleeper “flavors”)  it features awe inspiring performances from a set of unforgettable charecters : Mahesh Manjrekar’s Gangster (called AGM), a testosterony pipsqueak (Kunal Khemu) , a restrained doestoevski hero (boman irani), many many others…and not the least from cyrus baroucha playing the indian vesion of “The Dude(lebowski ref)”. The dialogs are by film critic raja sen .Kudos.

Ok fuck it.

fuck this review go see the film .It has dazzled me into an academic incoherence. Its smart its talented its likable and its nuanced. bollywood needed the NRI comedy influence because they are so bad at producing anything like a real comedy . the films were either so slapstick that they went hoarse (every Johhny lever film) or so nuanced that it felt like shatranj ke khiladi over again.

This film  is a good time at the movies, its a pity it was launched without fanfare. now theyre just going to quietly take it to video and sell it fo two bucks a DVD in indian grocery stores in St Louis. Im bleeding through my eyes that this film gets so little attention while inferior star vehicles are being pushed like ganja from the big production houses with a budget.

How many buddy caper films can you remember?

pulp fiction,The big Lebowski.nine queens,Buthch….kid,Sholay,Bunty aur bubly… this film is more raw talent than all those films put together.

There’s a certain choreography to comedy that the film gets just right. every classic comedian has it – charlie chaplin..groucho marx, laurel and hardy…

Cyrus baroucha has it.

The dude.

Youre smiling before someone delivers a punch line and guffawing after, but the pitch has moved on. The Bhojpuri cinema scene is an example. (you gotta be there) te other s when the dude(barocha) finally beats someone up …in the climax..

Two cell phone sim card hackers(Khemu and Baroucha) get stuck doing collections  of gambling debt for a gangster(mahesh manjrekar). Teir travel takes them to Delhi where they must square off against the terrible goon Kuber (Amit Mistry) and his evil sidekick dimple(uncredited, regretfully).

The film untangles the existential crisis in all their lives and bollywoodizes a happy ending. Soha Ali Kahn is the groupie that hangs out with the cool kids.

like I said . go see the mother already!

:)

Short Takes(june 09)

  • Google(also known as the yellow pussies) agreed to let china censor/gather information from searches within their country. A spokesman for google said “We are already the largest totalitarian organization in the world, we’re not threatened by china” . A chinese army captain, from the nathu- la pass  simply waved  a platinum card. Officials from the company rushed to dharmasala , India in a bid to get the Dalai Lama to sell a rinpoche or two to the chinese for a good price.

This is in no particular order..This is  a somewhat south India weighted list, but thats just how it happens to be…if more beautiful gujaratis or oriyas come to work in films there’ll be more of those ..

1 Anushka shetty

2. Shradha Sharma

3. Sneha(suhasini) rajaram

4. Deepika Pudukone

5. Meera Jasmine

6. Tanisha Mukharjee

7.  Sonam Kapoor

8.  Freida Pinto

9. Bhoomika Chawla

10. your name here.. ;)

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