Kites- Like ‘Dynasty’ with Illegal immigrants (Basu, 2010)

When the histories of motion pictures are written, Kites will stand like a citizen kane among bollywood film. Not the orson wells film – the actual citizen kane charecter .

The film is a monumental phallus of money stood up tastelessly in the middle of the hollywood-bollywood landscape in tribute to the reliance billions which , it has been proven, can buy bad taste everywhere in the world, in a vulgar demonstration of naked power.

A film shot like a mens glossy magazine , with the soul of a B movie , Kites elevates soap opera to absurdity it is “Dynasty” with illegal immigrants.

The amounts of money spent on the film would have bought Ambani a small nation in sub saharan africa..with diamonds and a mercenary army.

Somewhere between the time they narrated the story and when Anurag Basu was supposed to write a treatment for it, the film appears to have been hijacked by the glossy shoot and the directorreduced to pantomiming the supposed action in the supposed screenplay.

With all the free flowing budget, the film still has the soul of a B movie. The soap operatic nature of kites is reflected in the ad libbed dialog and hammed up use of world class equipment and post production. This is also typified in a scene where Hritik is shot and is “bleeding” the camera never leaves his face. He needs to emote being shot as everyone waits cluelessly for whatever is supposed to happen next.  They brought the models, they brought the equipment but they seem to have left behind actual film crews.Editing and post production struggles to put together a severely traumatized narrative .

One suspects that the film is really, at heart, a missisippi masala type story of small people. Imagine if you will.. there’s this gujarati boy brought over from his village to be married to the daughter of an indian motel owner in rural Louisiana. so he’s married and has a kid or two and has an uneventful life . then, his brother-in-law who runs illegal immigrants across the border, brings this beautiful 12 year old mexican girl, whom he’s using sexually, and whom hes going to sell away in one of the US fleshpots. Now as they stop at the hero’s motel, the hero develops a soft spot for the girl, and he cant speak anything but gujarti and knows NOTHING in the US, She cant speak any english , and they decide to make a run for it. the brother in law gives chase….

Now take this small sweet story and inflate it to pillsbury dough boy levels. the business is a las vegas casino. everyone looks like models, locations change from nevada to the salt flats to mexico at the speed of thought, cars blow up, people get shot and everybody shows boobs and clevage. the vulgarized result is Kites.  

 Hritik roshan looks like an argentinian steer being prepared for a roast. Barbara mori never leaves the comfort of the sports illustrated modelling shoot she thinks she is in.

When the film ends the audience giggles at the absurdity of it all. One has the sense of having witnessed a spectacle the size of a large multi day indian wedding at a tycoon’s.

This would be funny if cinema was a laughing matter. Alas the joke is on us, the audience.


About rameshram

Name : Ramesh Ram... Email Address : (don't even ask) Blog: (never updated) Height/ Weight: 6'1 175 (varies between 160 and 185) Color of hair/ eyes black/ brown Bald? Nope (not yet, but give me 20 years.) Interests: Film (Bollywood/international indie), Travel (Germany/Japan/Central America/Sout/east/west Asia/ Northern Africa), Gizmo geek, Clubbing... What do I like in a good movie?: Women, Music, Auters, Special effects, Style. What do I like in a bad movie?: Women, Music, Auters, Special effects, Style. Favorite Critic: International: Bazin Domestic: J Hobermann Indian : me. (noone else comes close ...India or here..) Best quality: Humility. Outspokenness. Warmth Worst quality: Intolerence Favorite color : Yellow Black Blue Favorite Perfume : men: Grey Flannel(Geoffery Beene) Women: Celine dion: Obsession Boxers / briefs : Boxers Did I inhale: And how! Author: Marquiz, Rushdie, Murakami, Jong Last Book: The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt Music : Patricia Kass, Alejandro Sanz,Nina Simone, Amir Diab Sports person: What am I usually in : White briefs and tees. Chianti or Burgandy: Chianti Food: French Japanese(street/fast food). Saw and liked: No Country for old men, Lust Caution Saw and disliked: Nishabd Didnt see: Aaja Nach le. Call me: Write me first.
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5 Responses to Kites- Like ‘Dynasty’ with Illegal immigrants (Basu, 2010)

  1. haha, KITES looks dumb as hell.

  2. Karigai says:

    lol@ “Hritik roshan looks like an argentinian steer being prepared for a roast.” Male gaze-ing indeed.

    I read somewhere that he perpetually chews on a matchstick and, in the end, jumps into the sea — Is it just me or is this behavior reminiscent of that Vijay Antony song, “Dailamo Dailamo” from a “J”eeva movie (“theekuchi ki thanni meley kaadhaley…”)?

    Liked Steve Schaefer’s one-line summary in the Boston Herald:
    “Kites contains passionate kissing, killing and many explosions.”

    I must catch it! In the theater.

    • rameshram says:

      the latest news is that the ambani machine is hitting back against poor little me. i was facebook friends withone Amit Khanna , who seems to have clicked twice on my blog from his facebook page, and has got me banned from facebook. ive set up a replacement account but goes to show…no good deed goes unpunished. bwahahaha!

      • Karigai says:

        p.s. one more quote of yours, pertinent here: “I guess one suffers magnificently for one’s convictions.”

        “I stand by my Kites diss,” you might add.

  3. rameshram says:

    heres a new quote ” hey motherfuggers over at big cinema! here’s an original idea make GOOD films people want to see instead of intimidating people into watching your films!”

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