Ramesh’s review of Indian film critics part II

Raja Sen is to quote him quoting anil kapoor, “a bit of the allright”. the man himself comes from bhadralok filmstock, so he understands filmmaking.His turn of phrase is somewhat…unfortunate sometimes. Mr sen’s tashan :

His girlfriend, on the other hand, is. Kareena’s always been a creature of immense glamour and here that is turned up more than a few notches as she shaves down several dress sizes to emerge as a leggy stunner who walks onto frame knowing that the screen is hers. She looks hot — though the blonde wig and tarty red dress unmistakably smacks of Paris Hilton — and, as mentioned, decidedly leggy but as she scissors her jeans into teensy denim hotpants, she seems a bit too starved, too lacking in curves. Still, confidence radiates from her, and this is definitely an extremely self-aware actress.

She is either hot or she’s skinny., if she were hot, listening to her being described as shaving down something leggy in a blonde wig and a tarty red dress and scissors makes me think unshaven  tranny edward scissorhands (which some people did describe her as looking like, in tashan), and not at all skanky and do-worthy.

Sen is an honest reporter of his unfiltered emotions no doubt.one does not grudge him the right to spoil race. I have always held that race‘s target audience would not read until the spoiler in raja sen’s review.

His most memorable lines are his freudian slips. This from devgun’s halla bol:

The weary star retreats from the party, goes to the restroom where he believably postures cockily in front of the mirror, trying his hero-poses on for size.

🙂

Sukanya verma:

Ever have a friend who  insists on sitting with you and telling you the entire film’s plot before you know what she thinks of it? sukanya verma.to be fair to her shes more a film journalist than a reviewer, but samples cant hurt.

(jhoom barabar jhoom)

It all begins at London’s Waterloo Station. Amitabh Bachchan ,in a rainbow-hued patchwork jacket, bling, kohl, hat and bugle, gyrates with a bunch of videshi extras, breathing cupid in the air while musing about the pros and cons of love. The look, even if tacky, doesn’t seem so bad when you watch the man enjoying his trademark groove. But that’s all he does here: Jhoom.

In between, we are intoduced to Rikku Thakral (Abhishek Bachchan ), a happy-go-lucky, cleavage-peeking, Bhatinda-speaking scamster and Alvira Khan (Preity Zinta ), a wannabe Elizabeth Hurley  of Lahorean origin who won’t deter from showing an occasional finger.

They have only two things in common — a delayed train and a food court table. Both are here to pick up their respective someones; only we don’t know who they are (Not till the interval, anyway).

The ice between the two is broken so unconvincingly, prompting you to borrow Rikki’s catchphrase, ‘Oh blimey!’. Before you can shoot a h-e-l-l-o, the duo starts yapping like old classmates scrapping on Orkut.

Soon enough, the topic veers to their respective fiance’s and how they hooked up.

Rikki bumped into the wow-some hottie with an accent, Anaida Raza (Lara Dutta

While Alvira’s tale of romance is narrated using piece-to-camera cinematography (a technique employed in a lot of French comedies) wherein she instantly falls head over heels

Three pages later, she’s stil going like the energizer bunny in a china shop.

She does write well…when she’s not explaining the plot.

Fanaa:

Kajol looks ethereal. The actress who is seen after a five-year break swaps her bouncy vivacity for sensual grace and assertive intensity. In her earlier films, Kajol’s body language has always appeared impatient. As Zooni she maybe subdued but applies the ardent nature of her emotions effectively. There are times when she lifts an entire scene to new levels, single-handedly and you cannot help but sit in awe. But then Aamir Khan is not an easy actor to overshadow. Not to be relegated to the background, he bounces with meticulous restrain and touching emotionality.

but to find these flashes you have to wade through

Both Rehaan and Zooni have a stereotypically, jazzed up introductory scene in the film. And their first encounter together, too, is picturised in a glitzy manner with heavyweight poetry flowing as repartees and quips. He brazenly makes digs about her handicap, she gleefully ignores it. He makes passes on her gal pals, she indulgently chuckles.

A wooing session, that gives you a complete Old Delhi darshan, wraps up with Zooni head over heels in love with Rehaan. A little resistance and rain song later, Rehaan also gives in. Though by now, it is suggested that some stinky skeleton lurks in Rehaan’s past.

The lovebirds inform Zooni’s folks and gear up for a wedding. Though not before Zooni gets a quick retinal transplant and Rehaan’s true identity is loosely revealed. …

I know the type. When they sit next to me on the bus, I pretend Im listening to my Ipod.

Namrata Joshi : Theres nothing wrong with namrata joshi’s reviews that a volume control will not cure. when we were younger , there used to be  these “solid state” electronic amplifiers, which after you pumped it up over a certain level, would start giving you distortion. She doesn’t like tashan. can you tell?

well, what a great title (roughly translates as attitude) for a film, which aims to be the acme of masala genre! Sadly it doesnt live up to its name. Its bizarre, outlandish and a crashing bore; so over-smart, smug and self-indulgent that a viewer may well say, “To hell with it”.

uh so…you didn’t like it,huh?

But on screen they get destroyed by the weird, over-stylised choreography. The colours are kitschy, background score too loud and stunts over-the-top and so shoddily shot that you can actually make out the doubles.

Anil Kapoor as the irritating bhaiyyaji makes one of the worst villains in Hindi cinema,…….

is where I left her…I made quickly for the nearest multiplex trying to hide. it was playing Tashan I didn’t care….when I came out two hours later, she was talking about you me aur hum…

The cinematography is showy and the dialogue corny. At a time when Hindi films have begun to speak in a refreshingly relaxed lingo, U Me is a blast from the hoary past. I was squirming on hearing the heavy-duty philosophy on love…..

The woman does write some positive reviews, but seriously, must tone down….

Coming next: Sadanand Menon,joginder tuteja, bhawna somaiyya, taran  adarsh…

Part I

Part III

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About rameshram

Name : Ramesh Ram... Email Address : Cdrakenc@gmail.com (don't even ask) Blog: (never updated) http://ramesh.journalspace.com Height/ Weight: 6'1 175 (varies between 160 and 185) Color of hair/ eyes black/ brown Bald? Nope (not yet, but give me 20 years.) Interests: Film (Bollywood/international indie), Travel (Germany/Japan/Central America/Sout/east/west Asia/ Northern Africa), Gizmo geek, Clubbing... What do I like in a good movie?: Women, Music, Auters, Special effects, Style. What do I like in a bad movie?: Women, Music, Auters, Special effects, Style. Favorite Critic: International: Bazin Domestic: J Hobermann Indian : me. (noone else comes close ...India or here..) Best quality: Humility. Outspokenness. Warmth Worst quality: Intolerence Favorite color : Yellow Black Blue Favorite Perfume : men: Grey Flannel(Geoffery Beene) Women: Celine dion: Obsession Boxers / briefs : Boxers Did I inhale: And how! Author: Marquiz, Rushdie, Murakami, Jong Last Book: The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt Music : Patricia Kass, Alejandro Sanz,Nina Simone, Amir Diab Sports person: uh..me? What am I usually in : White briefs and tees. Chianti or Burgandy: Chianti Food: French Japanese(street/fast food). Saw and liked: No Country for old men, Lust Caution Saw and disliked: Nishabd Didnt see: Aaja Nach le. Call me: Write me first.
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One Response to Ramesh’s review of Indian film critics part II

  1. Karigai says:

    Your most recent confessions of excessive ‘sukanya’ love must’ve automatically brought me here (rajapandi…veech aruvaa…ring a bell? oh that was entertaining as hell) 🙂

    I somehow missed this part II. part I, i read a while back (if nothing else, for its now-classic “the man is a fraud” declaration; how is it that you alone are adept at calling a fraud a fraud, huh huh?? no fair…).

    coming back to sukanya (this will be followed by namrata), nuggets (appadiye kozhi amukkara maadhiri amukiteenga pola!) that i thrilled over:

    – She does write well…when she’s not explaining the plot
    -I know the type. When they sit next to me on the bus, I pretend Im listening to my Ipod (iPod-a?? Zune or something else illa? ungalukku thaan iTunes naale allergy aachey… vonly recently developed that allergy-o?) – Anyway, this line takes me to that scene from MNIK in the tram (during Tere Naina song) when kajol is yapping away and srk later removes his earplugs and says, aap mujhse kuch keh rahin thi?

    Now namrata:
    “There’s nothing wrong with namrata joshi’s reviews that a volume control will not cure. when we were younger , there used to be these “solid state” electronic amplifiers, which after you pumped it up over a certain level, would start giving you distortion.” neenga sonna seri, sound engineer saar, lol.

    And of course, Sen’s freudian slips (enna, in all colors of the rainbow va (as opposed to pure white)? whatay woman, this sen).

    Oh before I forget, for your eyes only: Simply delicious-looking Street food, what else??

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